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I’m sharing my rambling thoughts with you today and posting two photos of the new additions to the family, two baby girls:  Three day old Zeyneb and three month old Melisa. New life born into a troubled world. I hope, when they  grow up, there is Peace.

Zeyneb.jpg

Melisa

Yesterday I had some Facebook problems. I couldn’t send messages, comment on posts nor look at photos. When I browsed online for reasons why, it seemed I may have been blocked? I wondered what I could have done to get reported. Yes, I have shared photos and articles on what has been happening in Turkey since 31st May but then, who hasn’t?

I found I could access my full Facebook account and all its facilities from my phone and other computers. It seems it was more than likely a glitch?

Whatever it was, it certainly given me food for thought and made my mind wander.

I’d like to take you back in time to July 1992: Just like every other morning, I arrived at work, made coffee and picked up the newspaper for my daily read. I was then hit in the face by a story that changed my reading habits for life.  It was the story of a horrific murder of a young mother called Rachel Nickel. I read it, crying all the way through and after reading, the story would not go away and it stayed with me for months. I could not stop thinking about that poor woman or her child who was found crying over her body and I realised then that I am unable to view or witness such tragedy and then carry on as normal. Images and words stay with me, disturb me and distract me for much longer than they should. I feel anger and sorrow and disappointment at the world we live in and the people in it and most of all, I feel helpless as If somehow I could have prevented it from happening. Silly I know. To this day she still crosses my mind, some twenty odd years later.

I decided at that time, to stop reading newspapers or watching the news and I haven’t, not for years.

Today, we live online with images and articles assaulting our senses from all directions of our chosen Social Media. These are not as easy to ignore.

Along with ignoring the news, I also chose never to vote. I don’t understand politics, I don’t care about them and I just get on with life and make the best of the changes it brings once a new politician has come into power. People have said to me ‘women fought for your right to vote so you should’ – but why should I just because they wanted to? What about my free will?

People have also said ‘well if you don’t vote then you can’t complain’. That’s true and I don’t. Not because someone told me I shouldn’t but because I don’t actually care.

This does not mean I am a jellyfish. I will stand up and be counted if there is something I believe in strongly and for that I am like dog with a bone.

Anyway, I hope I have not lost you? I’ll get to the point.

Horrified at the images I was seeing online, I joined in with the sharing. I think most people did. It’s an automatic response when someone cries for help is it not? I collated the photos and put them together with a song. A song I felt went hand in hand with what I was seeing. A song that is a message of comfort. Not in protest but as human beings. You see someone suffering; you want to comfort them, right? I did not stop to think this may be misconstrued as taking a political stance for or against anyone in power until someone commented on my Facebook that this might be the reason for my problems. And then I felt stupid. And then I started to worry about everyone else that had shared photos and opinions. Weighing up the pros and cons, I decided to delete the video, but this didn’t stop me worrying and my mind was out of control thinking of what I had seen online, who had posted it, where they lived and the likelihood of them or me getting into trouble.  Life is not like a Bridget Jones movie, there is no Mark Darcy to fly to my rescue and I doubt  chocolate and Wonderbra’s are going to come in handy.

While I was worrying and feeling stupid, a friend of mine who now lives in Australia posted a video of something that happened in Syria. I should have known better than to press play. Watching, I could not believe and did not want to believe that other human beings could be so evil. It pretty much broke my heart and I am still reeling from the images. I know the story will live with me for a long time. I won’t explain it and I hope you never see it.

Last night I spent time with Melisa and Zeyneb, soaking them up. Squeezing and kissing them and rocking them to sleep. It calmed my head for a while.

Perhaps I have lived in my little bubble for too long. By ignoring the news, I am not as up to date on the horrors of the world as perhaps I should be and feel that by not reading or watching I have also let people down. I’m human, you are human, we are human, they are human, and surely we should all be united by that? Why do so many other things matter more than that? It makes no sense.

For someone like me, perhaps the best way to live my life is to do it in rose tinted glasses with my head firmly buried in the sand?

From one human being to another, I would like to say to you, respect is my religion and my politics. We need to remember that we are all born naked and, have no doubt, death will make equals of us all at the end – why wait until then?

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